


Strong in the Real Way

by xivz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Family Feels, Feel-good, Five Stages of Grief, Flirting, Friendship, Getting to Know Each Other, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Marauders, Meet-Cute, Minor Character Death, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Remus is a Barista, Sad Sirius Black, Self-Acceptance, Sirius is a writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-10-26 19:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20747603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xivz/pseuds/xivz
Summary: It was a Tuesday when Sirius stumbled upon Remus. It was common knowledge that nothing extraordinary occurred on aTuesday.Except, that was the day Sirius met his muse. And, suddenly, things began to change.





	Strong in the Real Way

**Author's Note:**

> Major thanks to WeirdFanGirlingPersona for suggesting another coffee shop AU.

Sirius Black was in a slump. His writer's block was so bad that his agent was threatening to drop him. Not that she would, but he had to produce something or else risk not being able to renew his contract with Hogwarts Publishing. Which would be a Very Bad Thing. 

“This is awful, Reg.” He said into the wooden surface that made up his coffee table. It was an antique, probably older than his grandmother, and yet he didn't even bother using a simple coaster on it to protect its top. He could practically hear his mother's harping on it. His brother, however, sat in his urn on the mantle, silent. Always. Sometimes it helped Sirius think when he spoke aloud to Regulus. He spoke to Regulus a lot. He was, admittedly, a lonely man.

His living room was full of family heirlooms. He couldn't sell them, for some unknown reason. He had a therapist whom he met with once a week to discuss these things - his issues with his family. It was an entanglement that Sirius couldn't quite undo on his own. It hurt too much.

Sirius leaned his shoulders back and rested against the sofa cushion behind him. He craned his neck back to stare at the ceiling. The mahogany fan above him had a fine layer of dust. When was the last time he left this place? When was the last time he truly saw sunlight? 

The sun tried to peek through the drapes that Sirius had kept firmly shut over the living rooms multiple windows. He bought the place originally because of all the windows. Lately, the sun was too happy for him, it annoyed Sirius.

His gray-blue eyes landed on the shiny black urn on the mantle for the umpteenth time. Beside it was a photo of Regulus. The hardwood floor began to make his legs numb. Sirius let out a loud sigh, if only for some sort of noise. It was entirely too quiet in his home. Not for the first time, he pondered on adopting a dog - companionship sounded lovely. 

“Perhaps a change of scenery? I need inspiration. Elsewise I'm fucked.” Leaving for an hour was a splendid idea. Sirius could feel himself slowly becoming mad with every minute in solitude that passed.

He raked his hands through his long hair. Pulling it back away from his face and twisted it into a sloppy bun with the elastic he kept on his wrist. He cleaned his finger smudged reading glasses with his shirt before putting them down on the coffee table. He rubbed at his whiskered cheeks and then brought himself up on unsteady legs. When was the last time he stood?

Sirius stretched his limbs. Arms high above his head and spine popping. He was in a pair of gray joggers and a plain black v-neck. Was there a point in changing? Was he planning on running into anyone that he knew? Doubtful. Plus - the rebellious voice in the back of his head supplied - this would have been something his mother would have abhorred. And despite her being dead for years, Sirius still antagonized her. It was a good thing he saw a therapist.

He grabbed his keys and wallet. Made sure his laptop was charging - sometimes he hated how much he depended on that thing, and then threw his brother a flimsy goodbye before leaving his flat. Not that it mattered, but sometimes Sirius liked to pretend that Regulus could hear him speaking to him. It was a calming thought.

He was grateful that none of his neighbors were seen while he escaped his building. The sunlight was brighter than expected and burned Sirius’ retinas fiercely. However, the foot traffic was light and Sirius was forced to check the time on his phone with squinting eyes. Early afternoon. Tuesday. He lost three days while working away in the darkness of his home with the only breaks being eating instant oatmeal over the kitchen sink like a rat. It was no wonder he felt disgusting. He was in dire need of a shower, he discreetly sniffed at himself - thankfully he still smelled faintly of patchouli and cedar.

Sirius was usually lost in his mind, drafting a story wasn't hard. He had the outline, and a majority of the plot figured out. His world-building was out of the way. The characters were - for the most part - developed and done. All he had to do was write it! Yet the words  _ refused  _ to flow. It was infuriating.

He couldn't pinpoint what the issue was, because that was it. He just couldn't grasp what was at his fingertips. Instead of continuing to stress it, he figured that there was no use in trying to write on an empty stomach, and headed toward The Three Broomsticks Café that was only a few blocks away from his home. Pastries and caffeine sounded necessary. Maybe once Sirius had his fill he would take a shower and nap - maybe legitimately sleep - before trying to write once more. 

The Three Broomsticks was a familiar and comfortable atmosphere. The flooring was oak wood, the walls were deep reds and the tables were white with plush brown velvet chairs. There were gold-framed vintage noir posters on the walls and golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling. 

However, the man at the café was new. Sirius knew this upon sight, he had never seen him before. The man was taller than him by maybe a centimeter or two, they were similar in height. He was lankier than Sirius, with owlish hazel eyes and amber hair that fell across his forehead. He had a scar across the bridge of his nose, he had a history. A background that made Sirius curious.

“Welcome!” The man's voice was soft and calm as he greeted Sirius. His mannerisms, in general, were subdued. A stark contrast to the scar on his face. Interesting.

It was relatively empty, the lunch rush had just finished and the dinner rush wasn't for several hours. Plus it was a  _ Tuesday _ , nothing extraordinary occurred on a Tuesday. 

Except for today. Today was the day that Sirius met his muse. The moment Sirius laid eyes upon him, he knew exactly how to form the words of his book. The sudden burst of inspiration almost rendered him dumb.

The man's name tag read ‘ _ Remus _ ’. Who would name their child after the brother who lost Rome? The name alone marked a man for tragedy. Sirius almost wanted to ask if Remus received the scar on his face from Romulus. Had his brother attempted to kill him? He stopped that train of thought before it could get too far. That was, perhaps, a little too close to home.

“What can I get you today?” Remus asked. He had kind eyes.

Sirius couldn't recall what he ordered or paid. He watched Remus’ movements, the motions of his hands as he grabbed the pastries from their display window and how he easily shook a cup of ice with a shot of espresso and mixed in the proper syrups. His hands were broad, knuckles equally scarred. Perhaps he had been in an accident, perhaps he had been a cage fighter once in a past life. Perhaps Sirius’ imagination was finally on hyperdrive and he couldn’t help but come up with unrealistic scenarios. Except for the accident, that was a possibility. 

“Are you alright?” Remus asked as he handed Sirius his order, there was an uneasy smile on his face. Which, now that Sirius looked at it, was handsome. 

“Hm?” Sirius took a moment to register his question. “Oh! Yes, apologies, I was lost in thought.”

This time when Remus smiled at him, he showed his teeth. His eye teeth were jutted out a little and curved inward. Cute. “Have a good day.”

“Yeah. You too, thank you.” Sirius said before he took a sip of his coffee, and resisted the urge to immediately spit it back out. Too sweet. 

He made his way back home with thoughts of werewolves and brothers murdering each other and a character with amber eyes that reflected light off of them. Yes, that would work excellently. Romulus the werewolf could be Teddy’s - the protagonist and all-around savior of the dystopian world - companion. That would work. 

Sirius entered his apartment and sat down on the floor in front of his computer, his bottom on a flat throw pillow. He should invest in an actual desk with an ergonomic chair. He was getting too old to be sitting on the floor for hours - days - on end. He blanched as he took another sip of his too sweet coffee, having forgotten that it was so sugary. The bag of pastries sat forgotten beside it as he opened another word document and began to let the words flow.

* * *

It was the smell of food that awoke Sirius. Someone was in his kitchen, banging around without apology. Someone also had his hardly used television on, and he could just make out the sound of some sort of annoying showtune. A children’s show?

What time was it? When did he find his way to bed? What day was it? He reached for his phone but huffed an annoyed sigh as he realized that it was dead. Of course, it was, why wouldn’t it be? He couldn’t remember the last time he responded to texts or calls. He briefly scolded past Sirius for this.

He groaned pathetically as he rolled his body out of bed, which nearly landed him face-first on the floor. He grabbed a change of clothes and dragged his feet toward the bathroom across the hall for a quick shower. None of his friends had decency, so it could have been any one of them intruding. 

Sirius stared at himself in the mirror as he waited for the water to heat up. He brushed his teeth while maintaining eye contact with himself. He had nearly a full-grown beard along the lower half of his jaw, it didn’t look too bad and just needed to be cleaned up a bit. Everything else was still almost inhumanly beautiful thanks to fantastic genetics. Although Sirius did need a haircut, and maybe some sun. He had lost any sort of tan he once had. His body was also not as fit as it used to be, he made a reminder to force himself to go to the gym. Or at least buy a treadmill so that he could work out in the comfort of home, or maybe even when he needed to brainstorm. 

He hopped into the shower and let out a deep breath as the warm water hit him. Sirius reached for his shampoo and began to lather his hair, which felt oily and limp as he gave it a good scrub. His mind tried to focus on who was in his living room, but instead, he latched onto the next adventure scene he had to work on. The next piece of the puzzle that was his book. It was always like this, he ate, breathed, dreamed his story until it was told and then he floated for a while, and then reemitted himself into the real world until the next plot was ready to be drawn out. 

Once Sirius was done, he quickly dressed in another pair of joggers, this time burgundy, and a white t-shirt. His hair was brushed back into a neat ponytail and he stretched as he made his way toward the main living space of his home. The drapes in the living room were wide open, allowing natural light to happily shine in. The television was on some children’s cartoon that Sirius didn’t recognize, and there was an empty backpack on the floor near the sofa and coloring books and crayons laid out on his coffee table.

Sat at his kitchen table, eating what appeared to be cheese toasties with tomato soup, were James and Harry Potter. 

“Hi, Pads!” Harry exclaimed happily. At four he was a ball of energy and positivity. His dark curls stood on end and his large eyes were green and bright. There were a few freckles on the bridge of his nose, but they were hardly noticeable against his brown skin. There was red soup around his mouth and on his left cheek. 

“Harry.” Sirius greeted as he came forward and planted a kiss against the child’s crown before he sat beside him where another plate of food was waiting. Presumably for Sirius. 

James, who was Harry’s father, and Sirius’ best friend, looked like an adult version of his son. Only with brown eyes and horn-rimmed glasses. “You don’t look so bad. When was the last time you went to the market?”

“Uh,” Sirius thought as he took a bite of his food. He hadn’t realized how much he loved cheese until that moment. He loved tomato soup and bread too. Bland oatmeal had no comparison. “Saturday?”

“ _ Last _ Saturday?” James asked as he arched a brow at him. 

“It’s only Wednesday, so yes?” Sirius shrugged. 

James released a heavy sigh. It was a sigh of someone on their last rope. Someone who wanted to facepalm, but wouldn’t. “Sirius, it’s Sunday.”

“Oh, well, that explains a lot,” Sirius said. 

James gave him a pained look. He ran a hand through his unruly curls and tugged, making it an even bigger mess. “Honestly, I do believe that if it weren’t for me that you’d have been dead in a ditch years ago.”

“That’s not nice to say, Daddy!” Harry admonished. “You don’t say Padfoot would be dead!”

“That’s right, that’s not nice to say!” Sirius hid his grin as he picked up his bowl of soup to slurp directly from the source. He was pleased to notice that Harry copied him and did the same.

This time James did facepalm, he dragged his hand over his face, lifting his glasses in the process. “I’ve taken the liberty of ordering groceries to be delivered sometime today.”

“Oh, James, you shouldn’t -”

“In exchange,” James cut him off, “you will watch Harry next Saturday night while me and Lily go on a date.”

“Yay!” Harry crowed, tiny fists pumped the air. “I’m so excited! We can eat pizza and watch Paw Patrol and get ice cream! Like the last time!”

“There’s always a catch with you,” Sirius frowned. “Fine, you act as if I’m repaying you, but you’re just giving me the advantage of enlightening our dear little Harry and teaching him things his mother would never allow.”

“Sirius, don’t do that.” James’ tone attempted to be stern, but the smile that threatened the corners of his mouth gave him away. 

James probably remembered how terrible he and Sirius had been as children, harmless pranks that were juvenile and hilarious to them. Peter and Regulus oftentimes helped them, for the larger stunts that were pulled. Sirius could recall some of them vividly. Harry was not one for pranks, however, he was a softer child. Nowhere near as cruel as his father or godfather had been - for that Sirius was grateful. 

“I solemnly swear that I shall be good,” Sirius promised. 

When Harry was done eating he ran off to the living room, presumably to finish coloring. Once the two adults were alone, James gave Sirius a look. 

“What?” Sirius asked as he began to take the empty plates and glasses into the kitchen. 

James followed him, voice lowered. “Sirius, I didn’t want to bring it up, but Peter and Lily don’t want to either. So I’m stuck being the one to do it.”

That raised red flags. 

“About Regulus -”

“I’m not ready yet.”

“It’s been two years and we all know that he would have hated to have been stuck on your mantle.” James leaned against the kitchen’s entryway. “We should make a trip to Alphard’s soon, that’s where Reg would have wanted his final resting place to be.”

Sirius focused on the dishes he had begun to wash. “Can we not do this now?”

James nodded, he always knew when to push and when to drop it when it came to Sirius. “Fine. Tell me about your latest book instead then?”

They spent a majority of the afternoon catching up and playing games with Harry. Once the Potters took leave, Sirius was hit again at how empty his apartment was. It reminded him of a mausoleum on the best of days, it even had dead people. 

No, that wasn’t a good thought. That wasn’t how he wanted to think of Regulus. His brother was a decent companion, his urn reminded Sirius that he wasn’t alone.

Sirius chewed on his lower lip for a moment before he gathered his writing tools and putting everything in a satchel. He grabbed his earbuds as well and shoved it next to his keys in his pocket. He slid his socked feet into a pair of beat-up trainers and threw on a black cardigan. He would head toward The Three Broomsticks to work. Be that pretentious writer who went to coffee shops and made it known to the world that he was working on something Very Important. Capitalized letters necessary. 

Being Sunday meant that the café wasn’t busy, which worked for Sirius. There was someone else manning the till, which was fine, even though he had secretly been hoping to spy on Remus (for character development purposes). He ordered a coffee and set up shop at a corner table. Ensuring that his laptop was plugged in and his notebook and pen were out. He jacked in his earbuds and turned on his music, and then stared out of the window at the pavement for a few minutes to gather his bearings. There were times when Sirius just observed and absorbed. He inhaled the scent of coffee and baked goods, the feel of the seat fabric against his clothes, he took in the park across the street and an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand. 

Then he turned his gaze back to his laptop and tapped on the Enter button a few times before picking up where he had left off. The rest of the world fell away as he became engrossed. Teddy had just met Romulus. The werewolf and the hero, what a pair they made. 

It wasn’t until several hours later that Sirius was brought back to himself by someone approaching his table. He had forgotten about his coffee, and it was no doubt ice cold by now. He tugged off his earbuds and peered up at Remus, who had come up to the table cautiously. The sun was setting outside now, and Sirius realized by his laptop’s clock that he had been sitting there for just over three hours. 

“Figured you’d be getting hungry,” Remus stated. In his hands, on a plate, was a blueberry muffin. “On the house, you seem to be working hard.”

“Oh, I can pay for that, no need to waste your hard-earned wages,” Sirius stated, caught off guard. 

Remus let out a small breath of laughter, “no need. The owner insisted.”

“Thank you.” Sirius watched as Remus placed the plate down beside the half-drunk coffee that Sirius was no longer going to bother finishing. His wrists were thin, the bone jutted out and green veins were highly visible underneath the skin. “Please tell the owner 'thank you'?”

“Of course.” Remus nodded and then without another word went back to the counter. 

Sirius’ eyes followed him, taking in his shoulders and waist, his backside, his long legs, the sensible loafers that were on his feet. He could make Romulus generous toward Teddy in every way. Kind. Perhaps he was jumping the gun when it came to Remus himself. Sirius liked to believe that Remus was kind, but it could also just be because Sirius was attractive. He wasn’t naïve, he knew that people gave him things because he was pretty. 

He picked at the muffin, it was delicious and Sirius wondered if it was made at the café or if it was ordered from a local bakery. He nearly inhaled the entire thing within minutes, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was. Sirius stood up to throw his trash away at the nearest bin and begun to pack his belongings. It was Sunday, chances were that The Three Broomsticks was going to close soon. 

Once he slung his satchel over his shoulder, he turned his gaze over to Remus, who was cleaning out the pastry cases. He walked up to the case and waited until he was noticed. Which took no time at all. 

“Thank you, again.” Sirius offered Remus a half-smile. “I’m Sirius, by the way.”

It was interesting to watch as Remus’ cheeks flushed and ears began to pinken. “You’re welcome. I’m Remus.”

Sirius grinned, “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

He wanted to ask more, he wanted to know more. It could wait, he didn’t want to keep Remus at work for longer than necessary. Instead, he left without another word. Tomorrow is Monday, which meant a visit to his therapist, and he always liked to look his best for those.

* * *

Monday found Sirius lounging lazily, draped over a couch and eating biscuits from a tin. Minerva McGonagall was the best psychologist he had ever had in his life, and from how fucked up a chunk of his life had been, he was grateful to find her when he had. 

“Minnie, this book is going to be the end of me.” Sirius sighed dramatically. “It’s a new series, there is so much potential and so much that may get chucked and left in the bin.”

Minerva was a stern-looking woman. Her hair was in a severe bun at the top of her head, she wore a tartan printed suit with a black blouse and black flats. No jewelry. Her blue eyes were piercing behind her wire-rimmed glasses. Yet she always reminded Sirius of a housecat. 

“Perhaps this book series would be a proper outlet for you, Sirius.” She mused. She let him be as dramatic as he wanted to be, but she didn’t put up with his shit. It’s why she was on his Christmas card list every year. He always half wished that she could have adopted him when he was a child. 

“Perhaps.” Sirius agreed. “Did I tell you about this bloke I met recently? He’s a looker too, tall and willowy, with dark blond hair and hazel eyes. The whole of him is golden and I just want to touch him.” He sat up, ignoring how his hair fluffed around his head like a mane. 

They had an hour to do nothing but allow Sirius to chat and, sometimes, see how his latest antidepressants were treating him. 

“I haven’t been in a relationship since,” he stopped himself. He never spoke of Marlene. Just like he never spoke of Regulus. They were topics that Sirius refused to indulge in if he could help it. “It’s been years.”

“What makes you think he’d want a relationship?” Minerva questioned. Sirius knew that it was her job that made these conversations mandatory, but he sometimes felt as if she truly was curious about him. Yes, she was professional, but there was something about Minerva that warmed her to Sirius. 

Sirius shrugged and reached for another biscuit. “I think he’s attracted to me. He gave me free food.” He also blushed when Sirius had given him undivided attention, that had to have meant something.

“Free food? Then, dear boy, I must be attracted to you as well.” Minerva rose a brow. Her expression almost dared Sirius to challenge her reasoning. 

Instead, Sirius grinned brightly. “Minnie, you are the only woman for me. You must know this. I can be with no other lady other than you. You radiant, magnificent, creature.”

“Mr. Black, you should be aware that I am a married woman.” Her mouth was tilted at the edges, amusement evident on her features. 

“My love for you is worth the secrecy!” Sirius laughed while running a hand through his hair to move it off of his forehead. He then shrugged again, smile slipping. “James wants me to go to my uncles' villa. To release Regulus’ ashes.”

Minerva hummed and nodded, she was seated in a plush wingback. She crossed her ankles and leaned back into the chair. “What do you think about that?”

What did he think about it? He wasn’t sure what to think. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t bring himself to let his brother go. He wanted to keep Regulus with him for as long as possible. Was that wrong to do? James was right, Regulus would have hated to have been left on Sirius’ mantle. He wasn’t ready now, but he’d have to be soon. He’d have to do it soon, for Regulus’ sake. 

* * *

It was Wednesday when Sirius forced himself out of his home and back to The Three Broomsticks. He could have called James or Peter or even Lily for company. Instead, he took his laptop back to the café. Sirius was at the Three Broomsticks before breakfast rush that day. The sun hadn’t even risen yet.

“Do you enjoy working here?” Sirius asked Remus as he took his order. He was surprised to see Remus opening the shop when he thought the man was closer. Still, it was admittedly nice to see him, Sirius liked to look at him.

Remus had on a black apron over his everyday street clothes. Which was odd, don’t most establishments have uniforms? Instead, Remus was wearing a beige jumper and dark ripped jeans. “I love working here.”

Had it been someone else telling him that, Sirius would’ve been suspicious. He couldn’t be with Remus, for some unknown reason. He trusted what the man said. It was an odd experience for Sirius. There was just something honest and earnest about Remus, something that made it easy to believe every word that came out of his mouth.

“You ordered something different again today,” Remus remarked as he gave Sirius his receipt. 

“I’m trying to drink my way through your entire menu,” Sirius said. He wasn’t sure when he decided to do this, it would take weeks - months - to get through the entire menu. 

“That just tells me that you haven’t figured out what you like yet.” Remus’ easygoing smile was back on his face as he pumped the syrup flavors into the plastic cup. 

...What he liked yet. Sirius wanted to tell Remus exactly what he liked. Instead, he watched as Remus’ forearms flexed. The jumper sleeves had been pushed up to his elbows. He had some moles on his arms, and the hair there was just as golden as the rest of him. 

He received his drink and scone at the same time and thanked Remus before moseying to what he now considered as his table. He set up shop and went to work. Romulus would be quiet, unassuming, and perhaps a little tortured. Turned into a werewolf against his will. He goes to Teddy for a cure due to a rumor, yes, it was all coming together. 

Sirius twisted his hair into a sloppy bun at the nape of his neck and moved the sleeves of his red hoodie up so that it wasn’t bunched around his wrists. The plot was getting to a good part, where the bad guy, a wizard who was somehow connected to Teddy. His father? Was that cliche? Fuck, where were his notes?

The sun was shining happily through the large front window of the shop by the time Remus decided to sit across from Sirius. Two plates of food balanced on one arm while the other hand held two bottles of water. Sirius took his earbuds out and paused his music. 

“It’s lunchtime,” Remus stated. He handed one of the sandwiches over to Sirius. “Whatever you’re working on can be put on pause for a few minutes.”

Sirius nodded his head. “Thank you, again, how much would this be?”

“On the house,” Remus answered. “Owners orders.”

Sirius watched Remus through his lashes. “The owner is quite generous.”

Instead of answering, Remus took a bite of his food. “May I inquire as to what you’re working so diligently on? A project of some sort? I’m assuming that it’s whatever you do for a living, but I’m very curious.”

Sirius grinned broadly and debated on answering. How does one say that they’re writing a new book series? He was contracted for at least five books. He had a few others published, although he mostly lived off of his family's old money since he wasn’t quite that popular. He was no J.K. Rowling. How many people write books? Millions, how many are published? The numbers were still high. Sirius was just a drop in a bucket of water, but he was still proud of the fact that he was somewhat established. 

“I’m writing a book.” Sirius shrugged, “one of five. It’s YA fiction, following a boy named Teddy on his adventures. Almost halfway done with this one, and just in time too, my agent has been getting impatient with me. She’s close to murdering me, I’ve been taking too long with this one.”

“Really?” Remus, for the most part, looked interested. It was in the way he arched his brows and his eyes lit up. He was probably a literature snob, he almost looked like the type. Sirius could easily picture him curled up in an armchair with an old fashioned tome in hand. Sunlight dancing off of his hair, illuminating all of his best features. 

Sirius blinked back into existence. What kind of daydream was that? Was that what his mind supplied as sordid these days? “Um, yes. I can promise you that I'm articulate when in writing.”

“You seem to be in control of your words while speaking too.” A teasing smile was thrown his way and Sirius licked his lips and swallowed uselessly. “Have you had anything else published yet? Or would this be your first endeavor into the world of print?”

“I have other books published, yes.” Queer adult fiction. Filled to the brim with smut and swear words. Under a different pen name than the current series he was working on. 

Remus tilted his head, his hair fell slightly into his line of vision, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Anything I may have read?”

Sirius shrugged, “they’re adult books full of debauchery and sin. Are those the types that you read?”

The blush that he had seen a few days ago was back. Crawling it’s way up Remus’ ears and down his long neck. That was a yes. That was a ‘Sirius, I read porn, but I can’t admit that aloud for various reasons.’ Still, the admittance didn’t scare Remus off, so that was a plus. They chatted pleasantly together as they finished their respective meals. 

Remus took the plates away once he finished his break, and Sirius went back to work feeling a bit more invigorated. While it was true that the series he was working on was YA, he liked the way Romulus and Teddy were interacting and decided to make it a slow-burn between the two of them. Nothing between them would happen until the last book, but the subtext will be there. He wondered how his agent would take it, she probably wouldn’t be surprised.

He spent time watching Remus. Sirius couldn’t help but wonder what Regulus would have said about him, he often thought about what his brother’s opinion on certain subjects would have been. He could’ve guessed, but sometimes Regulus threw him off with an answer he didn’t expect. 

Sirius shook himself out of his thoughts by placing his earbuds back in and listening to - what he dubbed as - his writing music. This next scene wasn’t going to write itself, and he was determined to knock out another three chapters before heading home. 

He was finished just as the café was closing up for the night. He waited until Remus was done turning on the alarm and locking the front door.

“Which way are you headed?” Sirius asked him, rearranging his satchel so that it didn’t tug on his hood. The nights were becoming cooler, soon he’d have to wear real clothes when out in public. 

Remus gave him an easy smile, “I live above the shop.”

There was a brief moment between them where Sirius was sure he was going to be invited up. A brief flicker of indecisiveness and Sirius himself wasn’t sure if he would have accepted the offer. He couldn’t imagine going up to Remus’ home and spending more time with him in such an intimate setting. Not yet. They barely knew each other, but soon, maybe. Hopefully. 

“That’s convenient.” Sirius laughed, “then I suppose I’ll take my leave. I’ll see you soon, Remus.”

“Have a good night, Sirius.” There was a certain secret smile on Remus’ face when he said it. Sirius was recognizing it as something that was only for him. It warmed his insides. 

Sirius could easily reach out and touch him, but instead began his trek.

Instead of going straight home, he stopped by a local pizzeria and picked up a box to go. 

He worked and ate for a little bit before deciding to take a break. His television was muted on some baking show that he hadn’t been paying any mind to. The pizza was beside his laptop on the coffee table. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Sirius said. He was sprawled out on his couch, his eyes were on his brother’s photo on the mantle. “That I’ve held you hostage long enough. I suppose it would be a good time to finally let you go, hm?”

The photo was the last one of Regulus that Sirius had. His brother was seated in a restaurant booth, a happy smile large on his face with several glasses of various beverages and plates of food surrounding him. Marlene had just told a bawdy joke and Regulus couldn’t stop the amusement that escaped him. Happiness was a good look on Regulus, it was something that was rarely seen on him. Ever. Sirius couldn’t remember a time when his brother had lost all self-preservation and laughed himself silly. Probably not since they were small children. And now, not at all. 

That was the Regulus that Sirius had chosen to remember with that photo. He also knew that it was a picture that Regulus had vehemently hated. Which made Sirius love it even more. He slowly began to decompartmentalize everything that had happened back before Regulus’ death and the cause of it. This was something that he had only done once, back in the beginning when it was fresh. 

Sirius supposed he could still be angry at Regulus - he had been for a while after his death. His younger brother had run off with Sirius’ then-girlfriend. Marlene and Regulus had decided to elope because they were in love, that had hurt. That had hurt Sirius so much. They were on the way to their makeshift honeymoon when the accident happened. Regulus was killed instantly. Marlene had died a few days later in the hospital due to complications. And the pain of the betrayal was overshadowed by the pain of their deaths. What Marlene and Regulus had done to him was wrong, but they shouldn’t have paid for their indiscretion with their lives. That’s not what Sirius had wanted.

Time had worn down a lot of negative emotions. Regulus had been Sirius’ brother, his partner in crime throughout most of their lives. They had been a pair, and part of the group together. Marlene hadn’t been the love of Sirius’ life, and he could now concede that she may have been his brothers, although he would never get the chance to see it. 

He hadn’t dated since everything had occurred. At first, it was because Sirius had been so badly burned by it all that he couldn’t bring himself to put any sort of trust in anyone romantically. His emotions were still raw and he nettled at the idea. Then it was because Sirius was too busy finding himself, sorting through himself, trying to figure out what he was and what to do. He latched onto writing and from there it went off. He met Minerva and she encouraged it as an outlet for him. It helped. 

Two years of therapy later, and Sirius, though not healed, was ready to move on. 

“I guess I should tell James,” Sirius sighed. 

James would be pleased, and sad. James had been there through all of it, through the meltdowns and distancing and self-sabotage. Sirius hadn’t been the most pleasant person to be around during the first year, but James had persevered. Even though he had his own life, his wife and child, and Peter to deal with. He stayed beside Sirius through it all. Yes, the others were there as well, but James was Sirius’ other brother and he kept Sirius stable and sane. Even now, with the surprise visits to ensure that Sirius was alive in well. James did it because he cared. He truly loved Sirius, and Sirius could say that he felt the same. 

He could text James. Only he wasn’t sure where he put his cell phone or if it were still alive. When was the last time that he charged it? It was recently, wasn’t it?

“When I get rid of you,” Sirius told Regulus, “should I get a dog? Hmm, a dog would be too much of a responsibility, maybe a fish? No, that wouldn’t be fair to the poor thing. A plant? Yes, a cactus can take your spot on the mantle. Seems fitting, yes?”

He should find his phone and tell James. Later, he’ll do it. After a nap.

* * *

Friday found Sirius in the backseat of James’ sedan, Regulus’ urn firmly held on his lap as he watched the scenery fly by. Peter was in the front seat beside James. Towheaded and pale, a stark contrast to the other two men in the car. 

Peter had known about Marlene and Regulus before they ran away together, and he felt entirely too guilty to be comfortable alone with Sirius. Even now, years later. Sirius wished that he still felt that same bitter resentment toward Peter as he had in the beginning. Initially, he had blamed everything on Peter. It was easier that way, to have a target that was tangent. He couldn’t bring himself to stay angry at Regulus or Marlene, but eventually, the feelings towards Peter subsided into nothing. There were sometimes twinges of annoyance, and no, Sirius never sought him out by choice, but it was a vast improvement than what it had once been, and just because they were no longer as close as they had once been didn’t mean that Sirius hadn’t wanted Peter there with them as they spread Regulus’ ashes. 

Alphard’s villa was two hours out of the city, it rested on family land, not too far from Sirius’ grandfather’s manor. He was positive that his family owned nearly all of the land in the surrounding area, and Sirius was heir to it all thanks to the archaic way his family did things. 

It was a quiet car ride, save for the low murmur of music wafting up from the speakers. Sirius leaned his head against the window, and shifted his feet so that he was spread out diagonally, he couldn’t spread out in the back of the car due to Harry’s car seat, but he did the best that he could. He drummed his fingers against the cool ceramic of the urn. It was black and silver, it had snakes as the handles. Regulus would have loved it, which was why Sirius had chosen it for him. 

They made it to Alphard’s by mid-morning. Sirius perked up once they began to wind through the long drive up to the house. It was the same as it had always been. Red bricked with creeping ivy and roses leading up the walkway toward the garage. His uncle was out of the country on business, but Sirius had made the accommodations with him the night prior. They would go out onto the lake later and release Regulus’ remains there. He had loved that lake, it only seemed fitting to let him rest at the place that he loved best. 

Peter was out of the car first once they parked in the driveway. None of them had packed anything to take with them, it was only supposed to be a day trip. Sirius was grateful for James and Peter for taking the time off of work to travel with him. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t do it on his own - although he wasn’t sure if he could. Sirius didn’t exactly know how he was going to react when he finally let Regulus go. It wasn’t as if he could ever really let his brother go, but to allow the little bit of dust that was him being gone into the world had Sirius nervous. He wasn’t even sure if he could truly go through with it. 

Sirius took Alphard’s extra key out of his back pocket and allowed them all into the house. He took in the smell of bergamot and citrus and smiled to himself. This place had always been a haven. He carefully placed Regulus down on the kitchen table while rifling through whatever Alphard had in his pantry. 

“This place brings back memories,” James remarked while taking in everything around them. 

“He replaced that painting that he used to have,” Peter stated while pointing at the large portrait of a handsome, nude, man that was in the living room. Peter snorted at it, “remember that James lit the other one on fire?”

“It was an accident!” But James laughed. 

Alphard had allowed the men to use his villa for James’ stag night years ago. The abundance of drugs and liquor had caused a lot of wild things to happen that night. Sirius remembered Regulus talking him down from going out into the woods to fight a wolf. As if there were wolves anywhere nearby. It was a night that they had all agreed to never discuss in polite company. It had been a marvelous night. 

They ate canned soup for lunch and watched daytime television for a few hours before Sirius decided that it was time. He hadn’t wanted to put it off as long as he did. He wanted to just take the plunge. 

The dock was still reliable to walk on. Not a board out of place. And the boat was under its tarp just under its awning. The lake was large with a river that flowed through the forest. Sirius knew that there was plenty of fish in it and that the water was always cold no matter the time of year. James was at the helm, driving the boat with ease. Peter sat across from Sirius and was also the only person with a life vest on. 

“It’s peaceful out here,” Peter told Sirius over the roar of the boat engine. 

Sirius nodded, his grip tightening around the urn. “Yeah.” 

It was peaceful. The lake smelled of mud and clean air. It was something that would always be imprinted as Regulus’. 

James killed the engine as soon as they were at the very center. Or as close as. “Whenever you’re ready.”

There was no rush. They weren’t going to rush him, they were going to be as patient as they could be. They were good men, and Sirius knew that he was lucky to have them in his life for as long as he’s had. With shaking hands he took the lid off. It took several minutes due to being sealed shut. Inside was a plastic bag with ashes that were securely taped shut. Regulus. 

“I don’t have a knife,” Sirius admitted as he took the small bag out. He stared at the gray dust inside of it, hands holding it as if it were the most fragile thing he had ever held. 

“I do,” Peter reached into his back pocket and produced a penknife.

“You just carry that around with you?” James asked with a surprised look on his face. 

Peter shrugged. “You never know when you’ll need a knife, Jim.”

Sirius gingerly took it from him, uncapping it and carefully slitting open the bag. A small puff of smoke was spit out as soon as the bag was unsealed. Sirius handed the knife back to Peter and stood up. He wet his lips and practically flung the ashes across the water. A large gust of wind pushed behind him to ensure it all came out and flew across the surface. And to Sirius it almost felt as if it were Regulus himself letting out a sigh of relief, because, really, who would have wanted to remain on their brother’s mantle for as long as he had?

Sirius stared at the water for a long moment before he began to weep. Unsure tears that he couldn’t keep at bay. He slumped back down at his seat, head pressed against his knees and shoulders shaking helplessly. He only vaguely registered Peter’s thick arm around his shoulder and James’ hand resting on his own. 

When he was done he felt hollowed out, but also lighter. He felt relief and calm, coming out here was the right decision to make. For the first time in years, he felt good.

* * *

Saturday morning saw Sirius back at The Three Broomsticks, this time without any of his working tools. It was crowded that morning, which wasn’t surprising since it was the weekend, but it was still kind of a culture shock. He was so used to being able to pretend that this place was his private sanctuary. It was almost a shame that he couldn’t stay and work today, but he had a date with one Harry Potter. His godson took precedence over his book any day.

He passed his corner table and couldn’t help the smile that bloomed over his face at the plastic plaque that read  **RESERVED ** in lovely cursive on its top. That was a new addition, and a much appreciated one. 

“Good morning,” Remus greeted from behind the counter. “Next one on the list then?”

“Yes, and maybe four of your chocolate chip muffins.” Sirius still had a grin on his face. “The table at the corner by the window is reserved now?”

He watched as Remus colored, and was pleased by the sight. He had worked on his book last night while drinking sparkling white wine directly from the bottle. Sirius liked to believe himself as classy. He then woke up early that morning with a slight hangover and had decided to shave his face for the first time in probably a month. He also took a shower and was wearing real trousers, a pair of comfortably fitted jeans. Along with a nice button-up shirt and a pressed collar and sleeves neatly rolled up. It was about time he attempted to clean himself up a bit, especially when he had himself a Remus to entice.

"This may seem bold of me," Sirius began as he leaned his elbows on the counter so that he was closer to Remus. He didn't care that there was a line forming behind him, "but, can I get your number?"

Remus let out a disbelieving snort of laughter. "Are you serious? Wait, no, don't answer that." 

Up close Sirius could appreciate the freckles on the bridge of Remus’ nose, the tawny color of his lashes and every speck of brown and gold that surrounded his irises. And Sirius knew exactly how his face looked to Remus, modelesque and handsome. He wasn’t conceited, it was just a fact. 

This caused Sirius' grin to broaden. He thought of this interaction almost imitating the scene he had written between Teddy and Romulus the night prior. Remus was a fierce pink now as he attempted to scowl, but it was done poorly. He seemed to finally see the small line behind Sirius and nodded. 

“Right,” he grabbed a pen from his side of the counter along with Sirius’ receipt, writing his digits down neatly on the back of it.

“Fantastic!” Sirius wasn’t sure if he could smile bigger or risk his face splitting. “I’ll call you later.”

“I look forward to it,” Remus told him, and he could feel his eyes on his backside up until he left the café. 

Sirius blinked up at the bright blue sky, it was a beautiful day. He had to head home to clean his apartment and see what he could feed Harry for dinner that night. Before all of that though, he stopped by a plant nursery and picked up a small cactus for his mantle.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on **[tumblr](https://moonllotus.tumblr.com/)**!


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